As Long As I'm Living
Have kids they said. It would be fun they said.
SO much fun. Being a mother to these two amazing beings has been by far my greatest accomplishment. The laughs, the tears, cuddle time, and endless talking through my teeth moments have been nothing short of an adventure.
I believe that nobody will test your patience more than your offspring ever will. They are the most beautiful things I've ever been responsible for. Trae and Zo are night and day. Complete opposites in every sense of the word.
The one thing they do have in common though - they're little shits. I'm their mom so I can say that about them. Calm down.
There's not a "right way" to parent. Just like there's not a "right way" to adult. I wing it a lot of times and just hope that it all works out in the end.
I got asked the other day how I'm such a good mom. The best answer I could give was "I allow myself to fail." On the regular actually - if I'm being 100% honest.
I have moments where I want to drop Trae off at the fire station. Not even kidding. But then, I realize I wouldn't have anybody to bring me my Dr Pepper when I'm being lazy. So that option goes out the window.
Kids don't understand the word "privacy". I can always count on Zo to set up camp right outside my bathroom door when I need to pee. He almost ALWAYS needs something as soon as I go into that escape room.
Trae is by far the laziest roommate I've ever had. He eats all my food, doesn't pick up his underwear from the bathroom floor, and I think he secretly hosts frat parties in his room when I'm not home.
To be a somewhat successful parent requires a lot of wine, patience, and wit. You will constantly find yourself trying to outsmart your kids. The minute you think you're two steps ahead, they remind you that you that you're old and three steps behind.
I love my boys, I really do. They're the cheese to my hamburgers, my Chick-Fil-A sauce to my waffle fries, and the sleep aids to my insomnia. They. are. life.
But damn is motherhood hard. You never get a break. Even when they aren't around you're either catching up on eighteen loads of laundry, cleaning M&M's out of your backseat, or trying to figure out how to get your own Dr Pepper from the fridge when you're all the way in the bedroom.
They work my nerves in ways I never knew was possible. I have days where I question whether how I'm raising them is either screwing them up or making them solid human beings.
I wasn't given a handbook when I became a mom at seventeen. Everything I've done up until this day for these boys has been trial and error. I have days where I swear I think I see grey hairs that have been caused by them.
My house is dirty probably four days out of seven, the boys eat fast food and soda on most days, and they don't have a set bedtime. I'm not Susie Homemaker and I'm probably judged more than most for the choices I've made as their mother thus far.
I'm not a mom that's great at homework or that has all the laundry done in a day. I'm the mom that will Google the answers and let laundry pile up until I can't find a clean pair of jeans.
But, without all this chaos - the endless laundry, dirty dishes in the sink, moments where I want to pull the car over on the highway and make them get out - what would I be without it? Without them? Nothing.
They are my chaos and I could not imagine a day walking this earth without them by my side. As long as I'm living, this kind of chaos will be my drive. There's nothing that I could ever love more than these two beautifully made humans.
As long as I'm living, I am their mother and it is my duty to only fail them when I've tried my hardest to succeed.