Nine Years Gone - If This Letter Finds You - Part Two.
My Dearest Nana,
Can you believe it's been 9 years since I've seen you? Since I heard your voice. Nine years since I've hugged you.
You visit me in my dreams. Thank you, for that. Trae always asks why you never visit him, but I tell him it's because I think you know I need it more.
I miss you.
They say grieving gets easier over time, but it hasn't. The last conversation we had I asked if you were ready to go. You looked at me with sadness in your eyes and said "yes". I told you I wasn't ready and just laid with you for a while.
I'm not okay. I put on a brave face for my boys, but I miss you so much my heart physically aches. My crying spells have gotten better but as I sit here writing this my eyes are so full of tears it's hard to read my thoughts.
I miss you.
I want you to be here to help take care of mom, to see how great of a mother I am to my boys, to enjoy a cup of coffee with me, to see how good Joshua is in the kitchen, and to see how much your presence is needed in this dark dark world.
Your world now is much better than ours. I picture you with Papa enjoying coffee and smoking cigarettes. Seeing Dad off in the distance and telling him "Hey, Godi!"
You left us too soon. You left ME too soon. I wanted this letter to update you on our lives, but I can only update you on my pain. It's still here.
I hope heaven is lined with rose bushes and a garden that only you know how to tend to.
We miss you.
Love you always,